Sunday, February 29, 2004

Crisis Management

I went to church today, very early in the morning. On sound duty today. It was not a very good start this morning. When I reached Nexus, I began my very normal routine of checking the stage mixer and stage settings. But the next moment when I went on to the stage, I saw one of the musician holding on to a speaker cable that has just been spoilt. Well, my first intuition is to laugh about it. I know it will cause some kind of "trouble".... indeed just 5 mins later the trouble arrived. Showed the spoilt cable and all got scolded in the end. Well, Christians aren't perfect either. But in my heart, I tell God this, "Cables aren't important. Meeting you in worship and prayers is the most important thing of my life." Thus the next moment, I began to pray and worship the Lord with the rest, beginning the day with God. Hmm, though I still don't know a lot of things at the main mixer, got scolded here and there, but I still thank God for giving me an opportunity to serve Him. Perhaps, this is also considered as a minor crisis in my life. :)
About the sermon today, (listened to it twice) I've learnt that I have to manage crisis in my life with maturity. Only in crisis, it'll reveal the true maturity of a believer. I believe that I will be able to put this into practise so soon, starting from today. Anyway I've tendered in my resignation to my manager on friday evening. It was a traumatic feeling. Because I did not know how to do this. But I still did it with lots of fear and trembling in my heart (cos I did not want to upset anyone in this case.) You know, my current manager is only here for a month plus and have to face a resignation from me, not easy isn't it? Well, but I'm glad that I made it. He did try persuading me to stay till I find a job to replace the current one. But I told him that I'm not doing well physically as I have very frequent headaches... I need to take a short break. But I do hope that God will help me with my job hunt while I take this little break. Hope that it's not going to be a long one though... hehe
So brothers and sisters and friends, this not an altar call.... haha but do pray for me ok? I need prayers and my God is not too small for big prayers as He is too big for small problems. So do remember me!! :p
Love and blessings,
Tricia aka Yanyan

Friday, February 27, 2004


When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost",
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.



It's a Sunny Friday. Beautiful day!! Today's heart is rejoicing because I have God's approval in the decision I've made. Learnt about focusing on God yesterday.
Killers of Spiritual Life: *Worries *Guilty *Tiredness (Can't remember the last one liaoz...)
It was really amazing on how almost the majority got these 4 symptoms in our lives throughout the entire week. Indeed, we have been really honest isn't it? No wearing of masks yar? This is something I'm proud of myself. (Not pride though) I know that I don't wear mask to people who know me or don't know me. I'm simply me. I laugh when I want to. I cry when I am down. I complain when I am not happy. Some people think that Christians are flawless. But to tell you something, Christians might have even more flaws than those who are not. But you know something? We live by faith and grace not by the judgement of people. But definitely, we still need to change and grow according to the standards of the bible, isn't it true? So when someone sarcastically say this to you (something similar), "You Christian ar? Don't look like leh?" (In singlish) then you can always reply this way, "Yar lor, I'm a Christian but still imperfect in many ways." Be proud that you are a child of God!! Let the Daddy in Heavens rejoice because you are not ashamed of His name.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Funny Isn't It?

On Monday, we had a wonderful time learning from Ps Ben on the components of P&W in our church, the principles and outward expressions. But the funny thing happened only after the teachings. I was walking out of NEXUS with jona and there we saw the Ray Phay from Youth.... While chatting and walking down the escalator, Ray said something to irritate me. Being the very, I screamed into his ear, and guess what? The very next moment, a little sign board dropped off the door of a KTV. Then all of us burst out in laughter... haha!! hmm it's really a very funny and embarassing experience. Never did I expect my voice (noise) to be so powerful.... :p
Well, now I know why some people cannot stand me. It's because my voice is powerful enough to destroy.... haha

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Counting down - 3 more days!!

Yes, I'm counting down to my tendering of my resignation. Seems to be confused of what's coming ahead of me. But I'm sure to know that God has greater and better plans for me. I know that I'm going to and will trust God in whatever that He's going to provide. Meanwhile, I think I better plan how I should go about taking a short break, serve God with the time that I have and give my best to the ministries that God has granted me to serve in. Oh yar, one thing for sure, I got to save and be thrifty and change my spending habit. No more cab transport, fast food, snacks, movies... haha got to be a real different me (just like the one that's still studying in poly few years back). Frankly speaking, i know there is lots of things holding me back from tendering. But I need to. Because this job is really draining me emotionally and mentally. What I really need to do now is - Sit Back, Relax, Listen. Listen to what God wants to tell me. Great!! That's it!!!
"The day I left home, I know I broken His heart"

Dear Friend,

In these uncertain times, there is one certainty: we have a good God.

When much of the news is bad, there is one good report: we have a
loving God.

When the future is unpredictable, there is one assurance: we have a
sovereign God.

God's thoughts are not our thoughts, nor are they even like ours. We
aren't even in the same neighborhood. We're thinking, "Preserve the
body;" he's thinking, "Save the soul." We dream of a pay raise. He
dreams of raising the dead. We avoid pain and seek peace. God uses pain
to bring peace. "I'm going to live before I die," we resolve. "Die so
you can live," he instructs. We love what rusts. He loves what endures.
We rejoice at our successes. He rejoices at our confessions. We show
our children the Nike star with the million-dollar smile and say, "Be
like Mike." God points to the crucified carpenter with bloody lips and
a torn side and says, "Be like Christ."

Our thoughts are not like God's thoughts. Our ways are not like his
ways. He has a different agenda. He dwells in a different dimension. He
lives on another plane.
And our God is in control, he loves all of his children, and "his
unfailing love fills the earth" (Ps. 33:5). Nations war with one
another. In our own worlds, we encounter pain, difficulty,
disappointment. My prayer for you in the days ahead is that you will
stay strong in the confidence that our sovereign God loves and cares
for you.

May God bring peace to our world and our hearts.

Max Lucado

Friday, February 20, 2004

Someone reminded me that age is catching up with me... and guess what? I'm turning 23 this year. Time really flies... It seems like it was just the start of my poly days yesterday, bullied by classmates (how can it be possible??) and struggling with my homework in Stats. But it is very true.... I've graduated for 2 years and working now. A very different me from my poly days but the very same me in Christ. Perhaps same love for God or even more. Different me - stronger and more firm in my decision making. Well, it seems that God really moulds me and prunes me. The ups and downs never seem to end. Cos I know that God is preparing me for something bigger, better and wiser! Someone ever told me this, "Tricia, you will be very successful one day!". I was laughing to myself when I heard that. You mean, "Me?? How could it ever happen?" Well, it must be joke... Haha!! But when I think back now, perhaps, it's a God-given revelation. People come to me and ever said things that could be so destructive. But there are some that strengthened me so much in my heart. So many voices ringing in my heart now. I can only say this, "Lord, I want to listen to you more." Though 23 might seems not too old, but it's time I should give careful thoughts to my life, how I should walk it, spend according to what God has planned. So careful planning.... in the spirit.... :)

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

Oh excuse me please" was my reply.

He said, "Please excuse me too;

I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said good-bye.

But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.

"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,

God's still small voice came to me and said,

While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,

But the children you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,

You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,

You never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,

And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;

Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

Are these the flowers you picked for me?"

He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;

I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers,

especially the blue."


Are you aware that if we died tomorrow,

The company that we are working for could easily replace us in

a matter of days.

But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of

their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than

into our own family,

an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?

So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means? FAMILY =


Yesterday was the last day of my dear colleague, Joella. Supposed to be in March, but somehow my GM managed to force her to ask for early release. Well, when she was happily writing her letter to ask for early release, I was somehow another quite happy and sad. happy for her cos she's able to leave this company with such gladness, knowing that a better job awaits her. Sad is because I am not able to enjoy her company and nonsense... haha!! Right in the beginning I didn't really like her, and when I knew that she is going to Malaysia with me, I was so disappointed... But after I came back from Malaysia and getting to know her better, I realised that she is quite a nice loyal friend to have. Well, though she's so much older than me, (almost one decade ++) but I find that we can clique quite well. But when I tried to invite her to church, she will always come up with lots of excuses and reasons. I hope that when I invite her to church for the coming 13th anniversary, she will not reject. Praying for her to come to know the Lord soon... :) so that she will not be lost and anxious at most times.... It's such a blessing to have a colleague like her.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Friends are Friends Forever

Yup it has been long since I last wrote my blog. It has been a very busy schedule for me lately. I've learnt something lately - True friends may not stay by your side every moment, but they will be there when you need them most. Very true, recently, something happened at home, I was pretty discouraged at that very point of time. I smsed a few of my buddies, and guess what? One good one called me back immediately. Hmm not that the rest are not good, but I do appreciate the one who came to my rescue immediately. I was really crying like nobody's business when I heard her voice. It was tears of not just sadness and disappointment, but comfort as well. Though many a times, all my buddies are so so busy with their own activities throughout the week, but I believe that in out heart, there is always a room to put our special ones in there. When I feel lonely, I'll take them out of my little rooms in my heart, and think of them and pray for them. It is indeed very good of God to place me in such a community. Though some of them are shy to express their thoughts and care for one another, I know that we truly love one another in Christ. How lonely it is when man have no companionship. How marvellous it is to have just one or two best friends that understands your needs and feelings, providing the best help when you need it most. Start to think about your very close friends and appreciate them, you may have them today, but you might not have them tomorrow. So take time to express!!

Saturday, February 14, 2004

The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.
There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention Was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping Through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity,coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder tosee if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird.
"Books I Have Read,"
"Lies I Have Told,"
"Comfort I have Given,"
"Jokes I Have Laughed at."
Some were almost hilarious in their exactness:
"Things I've yelled at my brothers."
Others I couldn't laugh at:
"Things I Have Done in My Anger",
"Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents."
I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.
Often there were many more cards than I expected.
Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume Of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my >years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind:
No one must ever see these cards!
No one must ever see this room!
>I have to destroy them!"
In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused.Pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came.I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find To say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."- Phil. 4:13
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

If you feel the same way forward it to as many people as you can so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also.
My "People I shared the gospel with" file just got bigger, how about yours?
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears MY voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with ME! Revelation 3:20

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

So what's so heavy now??

My eyelids
My head
My brain
My heart

I need rest!! Help help!! Someone help!!

Monday, February 09, 2004

The Sixth Weekend of 2004

I didn't really rest well for the past few nights. It was kind of a straineous weekend for me. Went for a company's team day on Saturday morning. Reached Raffles City at 9am and started our game at 9.30am. Well, it was kind of challenging as there was a facilitator attached to each team. In my team, there were my MD, Sales Manager and my MarCom Manager. When I know that my MD is in my team, I knew that there will be a kind of non-stop nagging behind us already... (*diaoz) Anyway out first station was at Funan Centre. We were supposed to find the shop with "Volcano ......" Yar don't know what is it? We searched and searched. And finally we got to Ajisen. Ajisen was not even opened. We went in as the door was opened *but not for us. Haha then when my MarCom Manager went in and took a good look at the menu, she screamed, "Volcano Ramen"!!! Haha... there we are, so embarassed by her... Haha!! But get used to it man... She can be real fun at times. So the route went like this:
Funan Centre Esplanade Citylink Westin Stamford Hotel National Library CHIJMES
How tiring right? Then after this, I went for a job interview at FLY Entertainment. Wah... I thought this entertainment company that is started by Irene Ang can be kind of impressive. But it turn out that to be quite "un-professional". The interviewer interviewed me at a table with two partitions (which doesn't seems to help) where a lot of people seems to walk past us. The funniest part is that when people walk past us, she will get so distracted and forget that she's interviewing me. Haha... The most hilarious interview I ever had since I graduated from NYP. Hmm I have never been interviewed in such a "distracted" manner before. Well, anyway it's over. Even if they want to recruit me, I don't think I would like to have the job. It's kind of a mad one. You know lar ....
After interview, rushed down to meet Jonaphine for a time of eyebrow trimming session. Then we went to shop around and talk crap as usual. Both of us were really tired by then. Suddenly, my ex-poly classmate called me to ask if I'm interested to see my classmate perform at Suntec City. He was going to sing and dance there... hmm... i think it's Tower records... haha but too bad I had an appointment in the evening... so can't support him anyway. Well, he's always so into performance. Had such an amazing conversation with my Poly Classmate. After the chatting, me and Jona went to try some clothes... Jona keep saying, "Try Ž§›ß, •s˜ðŽ€“I..." Haha so funny... there was even one part that she was in such a stoning mode... that she actually continued what she wanted to tell me earlier on in a delay mode of 15 mins.... haha SIP (Stoning in Progress) Well, while she's stoning and I'm stoning with her, Aloysius called her and there, we met him outside Royal Sporting House. Wah... so long didn't see him, he has turned into a Police MAN liaoz... keke... haha no lar... a boy to man lor... He said in his blog that I've changed for the better, but not perfect yet.... due to my OVER-SANGUINE personality hor... (Jona... hor??) haha Anyway get used to it. When I meet someone that I didn't met for years, I'll react in means and ways that you will not expect. We parted from Orchard and I went on my way to Kovan. Frankly speaking, after meeting Jona, I felt as if I'm fainting anytime. Really so weak that I can just faint and end up in hospital lor. But nevertheless, God won't let this happen to me. When I reached Kovan, I went to Cold Storage to buy some crabsticks. After thinking through for sometime, I grabbed two bottles of sparkling juice for the steamboat as well. (IT's very super heavy lor... ) Then went Josh's hse on my own. She was so slow that I reached her flat before she even managed to pick me up at the bus-stop. Spent the dinner at her house with Benedict, James, Lirong, Alex, Guang Long, Kelly and Josh of course. Her room is very cosy which I am really envious of. Left her house at 10.00pm and reached home at 11.30pm. Was really exhausted and of course strengthless. I should have easily caught my beauty (& the beast) sleep but don't know why I just can't get to sleep. My mind is thinking of Josh's cosy bedroom, my friendship surveys and my family. Actually, also ponderng about my God and I, how close we were and how intimate we are now. Hmm, for me to know and for God to help. Well, finally caught my sleep and there it was another morning to Praise the Creator who made the one who's writing this now. Hee...
Oh yar, I watched Peter Pan yesterday with Bee Na, Alex and James. James almost fell asleep halfway and I was so amused by the story. I love this movie. How I wish I can talk like Peter, "I want to think of happy thoughts and never, never will I want to grow up!" It's always good to be a kid than an adult. But no point running away from adulthood either. You got to face it somehow one.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004


Finally managed to have some free time to write my blog. It has finally been a real busy day and time really flies when you have things to do. No time for me to chat on msn, to surf the web for my jobs and no time to see forwarded emails. But I'm really glad and happy that I had such a great day of work today.
This morning when I was on my way to work, this scenario just floated out in my mind again. I remember that few years back when I just shifted to my new place at Yishun, I couldn't get used to the place as Yishun is kind of far for me. On one particular day, when I was waiting for my feeder bus near my house, I saw this pregnant lady walking in front of a 4 year old girl. As I look a little bit closer, I saw that the girl's hands and legs are all bruised and blue blacks can be seen almost everywhere that is visible. Then, the very next moment, I heard the mom screaming at her and asking her to walk faster. She said something like this,"If not for you, I wouldn't have been late for work!!" (In Mandarin) Then she yelled at her when everyone at the bus-stop were looking at the two of them and that includes me. The girl walked over to her mom, crying and not knowing what to do. She pulled her hair and pinch her arm. She screamed out in tears and cried out in pain.

And there I can't do anything. But I was really angry. I starred at the mom in a very stern manner. I was only 17. She realised my presence and that my eyes have been watching them. Now she say in mandarin, "Never see parents disciplining kids before is it?" I was so pissed off. The only thought that came to my mind is that you are not disciplining your child at all, you are abusing her!! I was really ready to call the police but I didn't. I don't know why but perhaps there was fear in my heart too. I can only pray that God will protect this little lady and that she will not grow up in bitterness and insecurity. But you know what, few months later, I saw them again at the bus-stop. This time round, no screaming, no scolding and no abuse. The girl was looking real happy and the mom was with the umbrella sheltering her under the hot scorching sun. I was really glad and relieved at that point of time.
I can say that my compassion goes to those who are lost and not found. Just like Jesus whose compassion is for those who are tired, hungry and thirsty. The situation that I just wrote also reminds us one thing. Many a times, we are like the "mom", frustrated and irritated by situations, circumstances, problems and financial burdens in our lives. We blame others (girl), we vent our frustration (abuse) on others and we do not care whose watching. But God is watching us and we are responsible and accountable for our actions. I am accountable for my words too. But no fear, Jesus is gracious and forgiving.
*Learn to take responsibility. Respond rather than React to situations. Let the Word of God be the reservoir in your heart.*

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Yes!! It has been a nice holiday yesterday. Yesterday, I went to my sheep's place to do some visitation. As her PC is down, our boss very kindly helped her to fix her computer. Yeah!! So now, she can actually do more things with her PC. After a very long day, I'm really tired. When I reached home I nearly wanted to peng-san already. Well, but it's a real fruitful day man.
Coming Unit combined CG, will be one that is going to be real happening!! Wow!! I'm looking towards this time of worship, prayer and ministering from the Lord. Most importantly, I know that the Lord will be there! Well, it will be a time of birth and growth and also, a time to send people to bless other groups as well.
Well, I gtg. Do continue to keep me in prayers with regards to my job hunt. Believe that God will work in miraculous ways man!!