faithtricia's steps of faith

But I think things are quite different these days as I haven't seriously write my blog for almost 7 years? Even prior to that, my frequency to blog kinda slowed down you know? 

The past 7-8 years hasn't been the easiest for me. I was down with anxiety and depression. And it's been an emotional roller coaster for me. I've withdrawn myself from my friends. Because to then, I became this negative, self-absorbing, complaining person after getting married. The truth be told, I struggled with insomnia for almost a good 11-12 years now.

Looking at my surrounding folks, they have all grown in their careers, moved on with their lives, and here I am still wallowing in my past hurts and pains. Maybe some of them will simply say, "Just let go of that bitterness, and stop dwelling on the past..." but like seriously, you think I don't want to let go?

And to reflect Kow, these friends are pretty much done in my life. One of them always say this to me on my birthday, "Happy birthday, let me bring you out to eat something nice one of these days..." but it will never happen. And this has been going on for years... 

Another will say, "let's catch up soon..." bit this statement means if possible, let's not meet up too soon.

Promises are vain. People stop respecting promises. They don't fulfil them. The words that they promise became passing remarks. 

With social media, people just want to stalk your life and when they see pictures you post, they might possibly assume that your life is good. They want to hear about the good stuff but don't want the bad. Your challenges, struggles soon became nuisance to them. Your negativity is annoyance. They became successful in their paths and chose to only befriend those who will benefit them, spur them on, inspires them. They will never have time for you. 

And that being said, even if we occasionally meet up, they will always say this... "your place is so far away... Can move nearer to town?" but really, first and foremost, Singapore ain't big to begin with and I seldom complain about having to meet u guys on the central area and you guys wants me to move nearer to town to accommodate you folks? What a joke! As if I move to centralised area and you guys will meet me more often. Only a fool will believe that!

I'm tired of accommodating others. Listening to the same old jokes. Talking about the past. 

Actually, who will really bother to care? Seriously like no one. All are but passing remarks. 

These days, everything and almost everyone are superficial. Who's real and who's fake? Sometimes people around just want to take advantage of you all the time.

I think this life is gonna be really short for me. I just know it. Because I'm too tired to live a long life cos its just too painful right now.