Tuesday, October 27, 2015

The Journey of Faith

It's been 4 years since I left my full time job. And it's been a roller coaster ride for the past 4 years. The many emotions turmoil and stepping into the whole world of unknown left me scarred and bitter. This journey perhaps gave me a whole new perspective of what life is all about. Been jobless and searching for a whole new career caused me to see so many things differently.

When times are good, friends are all around you. When times are bad, they flee in all directions. Those who stay are truly the ones who care. They might not be able to listen to me rant all the time but they bothered to lunch with me, talk to me and be the cheerleaders in my life.

It is true that when one gets older, the circle of friends shrink (at least for me it's true). No matter how hard you try to win them back, even when you are on the brink of depression, it seems just so fruitless.

No one loves to spend time with someone facing ordeals, feeling emotional and defeated all the time. Many times, I have put up a strong front, trying to be all strong and ok but the matter of fact is that I am not. The only friend that I can truly cry in front of is that sister that has been with me in this journey since 4 years back. God is not forgetful at all because He remembered to send me an angelic friend, who bothers to meet me up for dinner once every 3 months and prays for me when we meet. She listens to me without judgement and empathises with my situation.

This journey of job search is a journey of faith. It is a tough journey especially when I need to trust God for His plan in my life. Many times, I wanted to give up. I sunken into that deep pit and refused to get out but yet God in His gracious ways, pull me out of that hole.

My heart is truly weak, and my body is wearing out day by day. That depression gets to me time to time. I wish that I can open up my heart like before but the betrayals and backstabbing in the past have gave me no courage to do so. Only the handful I share with are the ones that I courageously share with.

Dear Papa God, do You really know the pain that I'm going through now? Can You lift me up again?? It's been a while since I experience mountain tops with You. I need Your filling up because my tank has been empty for far too long. 


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