faithtricia's steps of faith

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

not a very good week though. something just happened in my family. dunnoe how to react or respond. tears just roll and roll... well... God wants me to worship Him in all circumstances despite my feelings. (in application to my Sunday sermon last week) pls pray for me. will be back.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

What's my feeling today? Excited + Nervous + Full of Aniticipation
This is because some of my Care Group members and Church Brothers and Sisters are coming to Genting and I'll be meeting them up on Friday morning!!
Then you must be wondering why am I so nervous. It's because I will have to go to Genting myself. I've never been there before and I'm kinda worried that I'll be lost (or kidnapped) haha... No worries I've went through lots of exciting journeys. So God will protect and bring me there.

At this point, I would like to thank my two very close buddies - Weiling and Shufen. They knew that I won't be ablee to make it for my birthday in Singapore this week, so they bought me two Levi's vouchers, each cost 20 bucks. I'm really so touched when I reeceived that. Weiling said something like this, "Go and buy the jeans that you want." They know my needs and are sensitive to meet them. Though I don't really meet theirs still. But here I want to say,"Shufen and Weiling, I really love you gals and our friendship is definitely worth more than the $40 voucher for sure!!"
We have been friends since Sec 1 (for Weiling) and Sec 3 (for Shufen). So to count with our fingers... hmm 7 to 9 years of friendship, which is not easy. Quarrels, arguments, dissaticfaction, tears, joy, misunderstanding, encouragement and forgiveness... all these are only the very little that I can describe about our friendship. It's more than these. Shufen - A very simple but yet focus gal for the Lord. She's tomboy but still a pretty gal to us. Pretty and beautiful in the heart as well as looks. An Audio-engineer. Weiling - Funky, fashionable, always sensitive in her skin and arty... cos she's a free-lance actress. Me - Loud, tempermental, leadership-type, domineering and talkative. A marketeer. The three of us, very unique and different, ended up to be the closest friends in the whole of Peirce Secondary School. I know why we are still holding onto one another - Christ Jesus is the focus.

I thank the Lord for all these people in my life. Not forgetting others like Evelyn and Nicole who have been with me also.... Good guys are hard to find nowadays. But think about the statement again. It should be "Good pals are hard to find nowadays." Never break up a friendship especially if they are friends worth keeping.

No one is perfect. Learn to accept others just as others accept u.

Cheerio ~ Trish

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud. Love never fails." This is a verse quoted from 1 Cor 13. It's a statement that many Christians know. But it is also one that many fail to practise. Same goes for me. I have always failed to love the people around me.

One colleague that I really dislike. She is always so nervous about things and seems to be so concerned about little minor things. Maybe she's just too careful... Another one... my ex-poly classmate. He is someone that gets everyone angry with his words and actions. Remember once that he actually put on a red lipstick in poly and wore a very gayish blouse to school. I've got really disgusted.

But now come to think of it, whether is it my colleague, my poly classmate, my bosses, I think I can never love them enough. Cos I'm a carnal being. But God loves them alot. He never say, "You are so ugly. I think you are not fit to be my child." nor did he ever say this, "What do you think you can do to come into my Kingdom? You are not even worth the least of my talents." He simply loves us so much that he won't even think about saying such words to us. Now i really hope that I can love as Jesus loves me. I could care as Jesus cares. Though many times I fail to forgive people around me, but I would desire to from this very moment onwards. Cos I want to touch them just as Jesus touched my life.

Learn to say sorry when u r are 1% at fault with the other party. Respect others if you want others to respect you. Respect is earned not commanded. Reconcile with those that you are bitter with cause you won't gain any joy by being bitter. Give to those in need as you will find joy in giving. Speak words that edify others and not words that destroy. Say "Thank You" when your mom cooks a diinner with not many dishes that u fancy but food that are edible. (hehe...)

I'm still trying to do what I've mentioned above. It's not easy. But try doing them bit by bit. By God's grace, you will be able to gain more insights of God. Not because doing these can get u to heavens. But you can be a better person afterall. It benefits u not me. :)

So take heart friends, God loves you!!

~ Actions apeak louder than words. Have you spoke today? ~ Tricia

Monday, September 22, 2003

Without any notice and warning, i took a very last minute decision to go back to Singapore (which I'm not supposed to). got a very unfriendly email from my GM. she indicated that I wasn't giving her a daily update of some follow-up that L'm supposed to do. And she stated a sentence, "What's happening to you??" As a very "straight-forward" person, I didn't give her a reason and that evening at around 4 plus, I've decided to go back to my apartment to get my passport and go back to Singapore (though I have not purchased any coach ticket yet). Back at the apartment, took my passport and stuff... wanna call for a cab but no cab willing to bring me to KTM station (as usaul - KL always have jams in the evening).
But after I've called my CL, Alex, we prayed and later on, managed to get a cab coming to my apartment. But the funniest thing is that the cab waited at the wrong lobby of my condo. There it goes... it went off without me. My coach is supposed to leave at 7pm and I haven't gotten a confirmed ticket. There in desperation, I've called the cab companies again and again, time after time. Finally the cab came but only at 6.30pm.

How to reach there in half an hour's time. There God stretched my faith. I was quite doubtful at that time but God just asked me to "believe and not doubt". Got on to the cab. after ten minutes, I was still on the road outside my apartment. Bad jam!! Then the next ten minutes... the traffic started moving. then the next five minutes I'm on highway liao and it's so unbelievable smooth that I reached KTM station at 7pm sharp. Praise the Lord!! Then I went to purchase the ticket from the counter with my colleague. First the guy there said that it is fully booked. Then after double checking, he printed our a ticket for me the next moment!! that's how I got back to Singapore. Every week is so challenging that I have to really rely on God's power and strength.

Last night, while listening to some worship songs, I just started to cry before the Lord. Dunnoe why, I'm just so amazed by God's grace. Again and again. Didn't know what to do at times of distress. After all the incidents, I realised that I'm not so strong after all. All this while, I'm just putting up astrong front, trying to be very capable. haha which I'm not at times. How weak I am and how fragile I can be in this world. Anytime, I might just fall into the devil's trap and plots. i have not poured out before the Lord for a very long time liao. It's such a time of refreshing... God is very gracious. His love never fails. Bible say that "His love endures forever" How true it is!!

I'm looking forward to go back to Singapore at the mid of October if nothing goes wrong. Keep me in your prayers. I believe that He will just bring me back safely. Cheers!!

Friday, September 19, 2003

Hi everybody... something worth reading. take time... though kinda long... cheers-- Tricia aka Yanyan

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR FEELINGS

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's inevitable.

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by
another person, you're headed for deeper problems. In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick.

So what should you do the next time someone betrays you?

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS.
Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings. In other
words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them. For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were "stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.
But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do. Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it's possible.

The famous 19th century Scottish historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that. After working on his multi-volume set of books on "The French Revolution"
for six years, Carlyle completed the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it. Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the fire.
In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work has been destroyed. Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill. These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go, my friend! Do not feel bad."
As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again."

Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript? Nothing.
Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started.
And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.

Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve
your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.
Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still
responsible for his misbehaviour.
Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future.

Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances. Am I happier holding on to it? Do I sleep better? Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"

If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision. Actually decide to let it go. Walk away from the disappointment-which means you no longer dwell on it or talk about it.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Quiet Time: 2 Cor 3:1-6

I've just learnt from my Quiet Time last night. To be always competent in God in our ministry, our walk with Him. For such competence is to be fully established in Christ but not our human abilities. With such kind of assurance from God, then we can easily minister to people. not by our experiences and knowledge but by the Spirit of God.

wow. it's a revelation. Though I know all these for years but it never come across to me so strongly before. Guess that it is the Spirit of God that is working within me. Reflecting on the many years of ministry in Youth, I've been always working hard to earn approval from men and doing ministry so as to bring about desired results. But all these didn't bring about the glory of God. I've seen many who left the Lord and many who did not follow God's will thoughout. I've even seen myself fallen into a deep dark pit. Despite all these, God still brought me back eventually. It is not by conincidence but it is by His marvellous love for me and His aboundant grace that is pulling me back.

There has been lots of regrets but also lots of chances given to me. Today I am who I am because of His "Never Give Up On Yanyan" slogan. He has never given up on me before - a non-believer to a believer, a backslider to re-dedication.
Moreover, after so much things in KL, I even want to thank God for helping me to appreciate those around me. Many who have helped me through the tough period in 2002. I shan't mention names. You know who you are right? Well, now I should say that I know at least people care for me. They are not as uncaring as I thought last time. haha (being the insecure me...)

Perhaps I'm still struggling. Lots of things to change and overcome. Perhaps I'm still striving to be the best that I can be. But I know that God will see me through. Not "perhaps" but "confirm + guarantee" !! If you have problems in your life now, how about try making a "U-turn" to the Lord. u will be able to see rainbow after the rain... (as i did eventually)

~ my passion: To worship God forever. Infinity. ~

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

wah. really sleepy now. just had my lunch at 2.30pm and came back to office at 3.15pm. really tired man. now i'm on a sleepy mood. Had so much to do since I stepped into office in the morning till now.

anyway last night was another stay out episode since sunday till now. I was locked outside my apartment cos the duplicated key that my colleague gave me cannot open the 2nd lock of the door. Frustrated... I called up my colleague who is in the pub with his friend asking why he never pass me the original one. he said that just in case i will be sleeping so soundly that I won't open the door for him.
kind of crap. so in the end he gotta leave his pub and come back home to open the door for me. Funniest thing is after waiting for one and a half hour, then he appeared. wah... from 10.30pm all the way till 11.45pm. tired siah. I just sat beside the swimming pool and start to call my ex-poly classmate. hmm... really alot of funny incidents recently. don't know why... haha

Well, now I really want to give thanks to God for letting me have own personal space - a room to myself. So that I can have a quiet place for my quiet time with the Lord. Well... time for a retreat with God liaoz.

Anyway guys if u have prayer requests, please tell me. I have alot of time to pray for u guys. So please let me know your supplications ok? I hear from you guys... blessings coming along with prayers soon...

* To hear from God is a Leisure. To have God is like having a Treasure. To be in God's presence is no pressure but a Pleasure. * Tricia

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

God's Boxes

God's Boxes
I have in my hands two boxes, Which God gave me to hold. He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box, And all your joys in the gold." I heeded His words, and in the two boxes, Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day, The black was as light as before. With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why, And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole, Which my sorrows had fallen out by. I showed the hole to God, and mused, "I wonder where my sorrows could be!" He smiled a gentle smile and said, "My child, they're all here with me."
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes, Why the gold and the black with the hole? "My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, The black is for you to let go."
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end. It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends. But the treasure inside for you to see, Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

Monday, September 15, 2003

The KL and Singapore Danger

It has been a very long and tedious night. I left Singapore at 9 plus and took a 5 to 6 hour coach to KL. Knowing that I will reach KL very late, I told my colleague from Singapore not to wait for me and get him to go back to the apartment first. But... later on at 11 plus 12am, my HR manager called me up and reprimanded me for leaving Singapore so late.
The funniest thing here is not just that she got my colleague to go back to my alighting point to wait for me but we checked into a hotel. WHY!?!
haha cos our apartment's key (which was just duplicated last friday) cannot open the door of our condo.

Haiz stayed in the hotel last night I only managed to sleep at 3.30am. And now I'm back to my workplace. Really tired and my brain ain't working. This is not the happening. Before I went up to the coach at Golden Theatre (Beach road) comething stupid happened. As u know, that area always have a lot of thai and indian workers on Sunday. Then happened that yesterday while I was waiting for the coach some walked pass and one guy keep looking at me. I was pissed off and asked him, "You have a problem is it?!?" then he couldn't understand what i was trying to say and began to squat down beside me thinking that I might be interested in Him. ( ??? ) There I got even more irritated. I shouted at Him, "Go away!!!" for more than 3 times as I felt so disgusted by that guy. Finally, he went away knowing that I will scream if he stay any further. I was really boiling.

Then throughout my trip I felt so much like crying cos it's just the "don't want to go back" feeling. I did cry a bit but not for long. But thankfully I got to know two Singapore gals that are on the same coach a s I do. They are two years older than me though they don't look that old. Feel like I'm "cao lao" (look older than I am). I gotten their contacts and am determined to invite them to service when I'm back in Singapore. hehe... God still works miracles... :)

I got to go. Guys keep me in prayers. CG members, I'll see you guys in Genting!! Waiting for my birthday cake!! haha.... take care everybody!!

~ God is the ever present help, place of refuge and hiding place in times of need. ~ Yanyan

Saturday, September 13, 2003

No place like HOME

I reached home last night at 12.40am... was soooo tired... couldn't understand what home really is until when I'm back yesterday. The best night of rest that I ever taken ever since I went to KL till now. It's a testing for me cos I've never been working so far away ever since I started work last year till now.
A challenging thing I guess. Learnt lots of things. Kena lots of scolding and went through lots of tiring nights.

Nevertheless, I felt the peace of God deep inside my heart and I'm so glad that in such a faraway land God is still with me answering my prayers. Yesterday was a test of my faith in Him again. I didn't managed to book a ticket for my coach from KL back to Singapore. I took up the courage to call up my GM in Singapore to ask her for permission to leave office early so that I will not be caught in the jam to Puduraya from Petaling Jaya. Then hor, she started to scold me for not doing forward planning and ask me to finish some stuff before I leave the office.

Hehe God is good!! I called up the cab company. To my surprise, I managed to get a cab after waiting on the phone for 5 mins...(Usually they will say "NO CAB"!!) haha God answered my prayers again. Then here comes the cab. The cab driver is really good. He drives fast and reached my destination within 20 mins (which usually takes 30 mins to 45 mins) and God blessed me again!!

But when I reached the bus station, it's so scary. It's hot and there's a lot of people (majority malays and indians). being my first time there, i don't even know where to buy the ticket. I walked around, observed a bit... and start to approach the different bus companies to ask if there's tickets back to Singapore. All the big companies are all sold out!! I'm getting a bit worried. But when I went to another one with no queue at all, and asked the lady if there's any ticket from KL to S'pore, at 6.30pm, to my surprise again, there is!! God never fails!!

What an exciting journey!! The bus wasn't that comfortable but I still give thanks. I think Paul in the bible didn't even have a coach to take to go church planting and sleep in a comfy couch. Guess that he slept on a wooden plank in a ship... keke When I reached Singapore, it's already midnight. I was having a headache. Tired and strengthless.... went straigth home to my Yishun home... and there it is... "No Place Like Home" . Here I am writing this journal at Home.

To all who have a great family and home, remember to appreciate those staying with you. Never take them for granted. All else u will have to go through what I went through... testing from God. Guess that this trip is worse than those guys serving in NS. At least they can come back during weekends.... If I stay in KL for two and a half years and travel in and out, I will go berserk... haha

anyway... I am glad to have friends in Xanga and my churchmates supporting me. Will move with God. No worries. keke.... Love all of u. remember to keep close with God.

~ True friendship is like a circle with no end. No matter how seldom you meet your friend, you will still end up in the same circle. ~ Tricia

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

hey guys thanks for your notes and encouragement!! well... it's really good to know that I have supportive buddies around me. Indeed when I read the comments for my previous blog, I almost wanted to go home and pack my stuff, take my passport and fly back to Singapore already.
can't wait to go back to Singapore. I think that I will only have a very short weekend.

But nevertheless, I need you guys to pray for me. Cos my family is having some problems... don't know why my parents are not doing well with one another. seems that there is some mistrust somewhere... hmm never mind... I know God will see me through... Hope that this will not be too long ya??

Ok. I got to go. Or else I'll be caught lazing around. Thanks guys... Hear from all of u?

"Life is pretty precious... Especially when there is love." ~ Aletha Jane Lindstrom

Monday, September 08, 2003

yesh!! finally I am back to Xanga again. wa seh!! I'm so tired siah. Didn't have time to even rest well. My bosses are always sticking with me and my colleague. Don't even have time to go out on my own.

But the good news is I'm getting better and all ready to zoom...... back to Singapore this Friday evening!!! haha but it's only for a weekend or so cos I still have to go back to malaysia to help out. Been trying to hint to my boss about coming back to Singapore. So please pray for me that my company will be able to employ someone to do my job as soon as possible.

Really thinking about all my Care Group members, family members, as well as my colleagues in Singapore. haha but don't know whether they miss me anot. ( I think so... miss my noise right?)

Oh yar. Another prayer point. I'm really stressed up here cos the amount of work here is much much more than in Singapore. And it's kinda scary to face my GM directly in meetings. I need strength from God. Or should I say that I need rest in God. Really need a good worship and QT in God everyday.

If you are reading my blog now, please give me two eprops to show your support... need the support from friends and pals from Xanga.... hehe so that I know I'm not alone. (keke... just joking... i know God is with me... ;)) ok. i got ciao. pals God bless your week.

~ Love is not a feeling. It is to care for the needs of the one that is beside you everyday... ~ Tricia

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Down again with my gastric pain and indigestion problems again. On tuesday night when i returned home from work, i threw out after alighting from a taxi with my colleagues. was so horrible. after a while, went home and slept. didn't had much of dinner. only ate a bit of porridge. then in the morning 4 plus... i woke up to vomit again.

Had one day of MC yesterday. then went to see doctor. the third time i threw out yellow acid (yucks!!) felt so sick for the past two days. But today I think it's better. I had hor fun for lunch and now my stomach is slowly recovering... though still a bit sour feeling... hmm it's been an adventurous week isn't it?? keke

perhaps I realli need a good day of rest. have been returning home late at past midnight or 2 am. tired and lethargic. well... God bless me with good health how about it? I know u will answer my prayers isn't it? hehe

feeling so heavy in my head and my stomach. maybe my GM and CEO shouldn't have took such good care of me. They bought me seafood consecutively for two nights last week. had too much of food again on Monday night. finally tues we had porridge cos they went back to Singapore... :)

anyway pray for me to have more encounters with God. got to go. hear from u guys... :)

Tricia

Monday, September 01, 2003

harlow guys. must be thinking why i took such a long time to do an update in Xanga right? hmm the internet is super duper difficult to access, that's why...

anyway i miss the friends in Singapore. hmm i wish i can get back there in two weeks' time... pray for me yar?? i can only be back in Singapore for a weekend then I will have to get back to Malaysia. This means that my trip will be extended for another month or so.

Sorry alex, guess that I cannot come back in time for your birthday celebration. well... I really do hope to come back. I miss leading CG chairing and P & W as well.
Josherine... do take care of yourself over there in Singapore. Now no one is disturbing u by biting u and screaming into your ears liao.
Well now Jessica now one less loudspeaker... so are u amplifying enough for the group?? haha they need a full stereo sound system... keke
for the rest of the guys... guess that after sunday service no one will keep dragging u guys to play pool liao right?? haha

See... I really miss u guys... hmm never mind will dream of u guys when I'm sleeping. pray for me to grow in the Lord continuously and to be disciplined to pray to Him and spend time with Him ok??

So last but not least all those out there reading my blog. thanks for all the concern and comments. realli thankful for all of u. keep in touch. email me when u r free k?? my email is triciatan@videovanasia.com

that's abt it. Buaiz...

~ God is the hiding place and refuge wherever you are. He is the City of Refuge, a place of comfort and strength. ~ Tricia