faithtricia's steps of faith

Oh yes!! It's Thursday!! :) And I'm going to stay at Malaysia for the weekend... ... ... :(
But it's ok... I will not be alone. I have my Manager to accompany me for the weekend. We'll do haircut, shopping and enjoy the food here together. For so many years in my life, I've never enjoyed so much in shopping... keke This is the first time leh... Well, I'll be self-control in all these $$ handling. To the best that I can.

Anyway thank God for the happenings in my life ever since August till now, from the beginning of my posting to Malaysia till now, I've learnt much more and gained insights, understanding the importance of working with people. Working with people is not an easy task at all. Especially when u meet those who tend to bully you and trying to push their responsibilities around. You will really have to learn about being patient and tolerant as well.

I think life will get even more exciting when you grow older. Don't you think so?? Last time I always wanted to be a kid, never grow up, just play and play and play. That's my job. But apparently, it's just a dream. When I got into secondary school, then I know what's stress. When I get into poly, I learnt what it is to be slack. After working for a year plus, I've got to know what is rest and relax (though many times it's not).

Enjoy life while you can!!

Today's weather in my heart - Sunny and Bright!!

Ever since my Regional Manager came in to stationed in our Malaysia's office, my life here has been getting better and better. No more scoldings and reprimanding. She's very understanding and patient with me and I've benefitted from her greatly. She taught me a lot of things and I find that she has guided me lots for the past two weeks. Though at times she has very high expectations and demand on my work, but she never flare up with me ever before (so far). I gave here lots of headaches and trouble but yet she is still so smily ever.

Especially when I make stupid mistakes everyday, she tries her best to help me resolve every single situation. I think I'm always so blessed by God to have great managers and supervisors guiding me and teaching me. Moreover, my APM is coming to take over from me on the 6 November 2003 and I will take another two weeks or so to handover to her. Ideally, I'll be back in Singapore on the 22 November, Saturday!! Alright man!!

But before I go back I wanna bring my colleague to church on coming Sunday. Hopefully I can bring her to the Lord!! Pray with me ya? Wanna make an impact before i leave M'sia.

Oh yar remembered that I mentioned in my previous blog about my audition for support singing and choir in my church? I went for it and it was kinda success... haha so nervous when i went for audition. but it turned out quite well. I'm waiting to serve God in this area once again. hope that I'll be in for this wonderful ministry that God is going to place me in once again.

All the best guys!! Serve God with what you have and with all that you can!!

~ God is the owner of all possessions and we are only managers managing His possessions. ~ Trish

BACK IN HOLLAND NOW with shirley in the room. wasn't feeling too well after the 5.5 hrs of coach trip from KL to Singapore. so decided to come back holland since its' nearer to where i alight. well, maybe it's b'cos i took chocolate and strawberry milk just now during the trip, that's why i nearly puke just now.

she's sleeping on her bed now while i'm typing this entry. listening to Philip, Craig and Deans' When God Ran now. reflecting on how God ran to me even before i started to walked to Him. He ran the thousand millions miles just to reached me. He carried me when i fell down, when i'm down he hugged me and comfort me spiritually... He's like the Father that never fails. This is a very comforting factor to me. Really.

with regards to my stay in holland. i wished that i can stay in my room and do my QT, spend my own time in worshipbut my finance do not allow me to stay out on my own at all. my tuition loan and my expenses, my mom needs my support at this very point of time. i wish i can provide more.

my dearest friend cum sister-in-christ, Evelyn, called me at my office on Thurs, surprising me with her voice, "Can I speak to Ms Tan Yeun Yeun pls?" Haha... no one ever call me by my chinese name in Malaysia one. Was shocked and touched when she called. well, talked for a while about some girls' stuff... and then shared some very inmost feelings.... keke never talked like that with her before. perhaps it's just another stage that we are going though as friends. right?

thinking back, actually i missed the times when I just got to know the Lord. The kind of fire, zeal and first love for Him is so so evident. though now I'm still zealous for Him but nothing compares to the kind of first love when you first know Jesus. You appreciate His death on the cross for your sins. You are so childlike to pray to him with no big bombastic words but simple sentence like,"Jesus I love You". You are so dreamy about the heavens and eternal life that God has promised to bring you to when you receive Him into your life. You know that God provides the best plans for you and you alone. You are so keen to tell the world how good this Jesus is to you and your family. How he answered your prayers when you are late for school.

Today, is this Jesus the same one that you received in the beginning? Or has it become a history in your life? Do you still appreciate His death on the cross for your sins? Do you still pray to Him in childlike faith? Saying "Jesus I Love You" is it too embarassing for you to say this now? Do you still ponder how big your mansion will be when you go to heavens? Are you settling for the second best when you know that God will provide the best for you according to your plans? Are you still shouting out the good news and telling the gospel through your daily activities and contact with people? I can't guarantee that I'm doing every single one of these but I'm sure to tell you that I'm reflective of these and I wanna change for the better.

I want to be the servant that he is pleased with. Not the kind that do things stonely but the kind that obeys and also gives the best out of everything. I reckon that I have not give the best yet but I want to. Only God knows my heartbeat and desires for Him. I'm weak but He's strong. I can't but He can. I fail but He makes all things work out for those who loves Him. It takes one steady heart to keep the candle burning for the Lord. Is your heart steady today? God will see you through.

~ When you are down and you're discouraged, when the darkness clouds your view. You got to gather up your courage, for the Lord will see you through. ~ "Keep The Candle Burning", Point of Grace

Birthday - 26 Sept 2003

Guess that I haven't write anything about the Genting trip that happened two weeks ago right?

That morning, I woke up at 6.00am in the apartment at Malaysia. Not knowing whether will i know how to go Genting on my own, I was looking forward to go to Genting with fear but yet excitement. I called Alex from the apartment at 7am to make sure that they have already reached there before I set off from Riana Green.Then the cab that I've called was already waiting for me at the condo lobby.

I took the cab to the LRT station then took LRT to KL Sentral. (That's what my colleague instructed me to do.) When I alighted at KL Sentral, there are so many people but I didn't know where to get my ticket to Genting. So I asked around. After a few rounds walking and running, I finally bought my ticket from a counter which is in an isolated corner, then went to take the coach. To my surprise, when I boarded the coach, the coach set off immediately. Which means the coach waited for me before setting off!! Thank God man!!

Took 1.5 hour to reach Genting Cable Car Station. It was scary. I took the cable car alone and it's my second time or so on cable. (First one was at Sentosa.) When the cable car went off, I was really praying hard that nothing will happen. In the midst of the cable trip, it suddenly stopped and it was for 5 to 8 minutes long. I was shocked and nearly press the emergency button. haha but i try to be cool, took out my digital camera and took down some beautiful pictures of the scenaries. Thereafter the cable car started moving and without knowing I've reached the destination liaoz!! hehe

Walking on... trying to find the First World Hotel that they say they will be waiting for me. Walked and walked walked... finally, I saw the indoor amusement park. Called them up and finally i saw one familiar face, it's Edwin!! hehe there I rest my heart. Went to the prata shop that they were having breakfast. Thought that they will wish me a "Happy Birthday" but in the end nothing came.

The day went on. We went to the theme park. Had two rides in the roller coaster and went for the spinning thingy once. really spinning my head. my legs turned jelly when it started to spin. then after all the rides and photo taking session, we went to have our lunch at KFC!! haha ate the Malaysian chicken and then guess what, we proceed back to our room and slept. Guess that they are really tired in their coach trip.

Then we woke up and washed up. Getting ourselves ready to worship God and meet him in the wonders of Genting. We had a wonderful time of prayer and ministering to one another. It was really fruitful!! God prepared the whole unit to be ready for a time of harvest in this quarter. We'll be ready harvesters as the harvest is here!!Yeah!!!

Then we had dinner and thereafter a bowling session. During the bowling session, Desmond and Josherine went MIA. Dunnoe where did they go to. When we finished our bowling session, we went off to the movie theatre. Then our dearest Unit Administrator cum sister cum friend gathered everyone and celebrated my birthday for me!! They bought a slice of cake for me from starbucks and gave me a "Genting Notebook with dinosaur" for a unit present. Haha. That was just a joke for me. The real thing was actually a OP jacket for me. They know that I need one cos my office in Malaysia is real cold man... heehee thanks GN3!!

Well, the rest gave me blouse, bracelet and cards... touched I am!!

God you brought me a great birthday!! My wishes are that I want my family to know you and that myself to know you more!! Thank you Lord!! Thanks GN!!

well. I'm back.

The whole week has been tough but God brought me through by His grace. Things went totally out of control at home.

Dad called me on Monday night asking me to call my brother and mom up, to stop avoiding his calls. hmm something amiss here. why would they want to avoid his calls then? called my brother and mom and no pick up. called the second round and finally my kor picked up the line. told me everything - dad is having an external affair with a woman which my whole family knows. my mom's good friend and our ex-neighbour.

i didn't know how to respond and react. tears just came down so naturally. well perhaps i may look very joyful everytime when i bumped into my friends and being the very crappy me, i might not seems to have problems. but in the matter of fact, i grew up in a family where i have to learn to handle things which other kids of my age dun even have to when they are younger.

Divorce is on the way. Mom is totally devastated and refuse to forgive dad. he broke the heart of a woman who have been giving her best to the family for the past 26 years. I wish I can be neutral but it seems difficult. i need to talk to my dad in a way not aggresive but yet forgiving. ? ? I'll try.

Wanna talk to dad more. prayers from buddies and friends have been real consistent. well, God's gracious hand is on me. no worries. I'm still as joyful in my heart. will be back in singapore tonight again. keep me in prayers.

~ forgiveness: not agreeing with what a person has done but yet accepting him for who he is - that's God's forgiveness for you and me ~ Tricia