Saturday, October 18, 2003
BACK IN HOLLAND NOW with shirley in the room. wasn't feeling too well after the 5.5 hrs of coach trip from KL to Singapore. so decided to come back holland since its' nearer to where i alight. well, maybe it's b'cos i took chocolate and strawberry milk just now during the trip, that's why i nearly puke just now.
she's sleeping on her bed now while i'm typing this entry. listening to Philip, Craig and Deans' When God Ran now. reflecting on how God ran to me even before i started to walked to Him. He ran the thousand millions miles just to reached me. He carried me when i fell down, when i'm down he hugged me and comfort me spiritually... He's like the Father that never fails. This is a very comforting factor to me. Really.
with regards to my stay in holland. i wished that i can stay in my room and do my QT, spend my own time in worshipbut my finance do not allow me to stay out on my own at all. my tuition loan and my expenses, my mom needs my support at this very point of time. i wish i can provide more.
my dearest friend cum sister-in-christ, Evelyn, called me at my office on Thurs, surprising me with her voice, "Can I speak to Ms Tan Yeun Yeun pls?" Haha... no one ever call me by my chinese name in Malaysia one. Was shocked and touched when she called. well, talked for a while about some girls' stuff... and then shared some very inmost feelings.... keke never talked like that with her before. perhaps it's just another stage that we are going though as friends. right?
thinking back, actually i missed the times when I just got to know the Lord. The kind of fire, zeal and first love for Him is so so evident. though now I'm still zealous for Him but nothing compares to the kind of first love when you first know Jesus. You appreciate His death on the cross for your sins. You are so childlike to pray to him with no big bombastic words but simple sentence like,"Jesus I love You". You are so dreamy about the heavens and eternal life that God has promised to bring you to when you receive Him into your life. You know that God provides the best plans for you and you alone. You are so keen to tell the world how good this Jesus is to you and your family. How he answered your prayers when you are late for school.
Today, is this Jesus the same one that you received in the beginning? Or has it become a history in your life? Do you still appreciate His death on the cross for your sins? Do you still pray to Him in childlike faith? Saying "Jesus I Love You" is it too embarassing for you to say this now? Do you still ponder how big your mansion will be when you go to heavens? Are you settling for the second best when you know that God will provide the best for you according to your plans? Are you still shouting out the good news and telling the gospel through your daily activities and contact with people? I can't guarantee that I'm doing every single one of these but I'm sure to tell you that I'm reflective of these and I wanna change for the better.
I want to be the servant that he is pleased with. Not the kind that do things stonely but the kind that obeys and also gives the best out of everything. I reckon that I have not give the best yet but I want to. Only God knows my heartbeat and desires for Him. I'm weak but He's strong. I can't but He can. I fail but He makes all things work out for those who loves Him. It takes one steady heart to keep the candle burning for the Lord. Is your heart steady today? God will see you through.
~ When you are down and you're discouraged, when the darkness clouds your view. You got to gather up your courage, for the Lord will see you through. ~ "Keep The Candle Burning", Point of Grace