Tuesday, August 05, 2008
I was desperate enough to start working when I was sec 1. Forget about the miserable allowance, I want to earn my own allowance. I want to be independent. I want to buy things that other friends have as well. Yes, I did managed to earn my allowance. But the happiness didn't last for long. Constantly, my heart tells me that I am simply not satisfied. I am not satisfied by the fact others have what they have because their parents bought those stuff for them, but I have to work hard for them... Being just a Sec 1 student, why do I have to juggle between work and studies?
This stage of my life molded me a fair bit. I am not like others. There was many dissatisfaction, anxiety and anger in my heart. I told myself that I want to get out of this family, this house and to get out of the daily quarrels and fights at home. I simply have had enough of these.
Although I did not pray to God, but somehow, He has already knew what I wanted, how I have felt and why I want to do that. God did not give me what I want immediately. But He did a series of things for me so that I can get to know Him in a more intimate manner. I remembered how I quarrelled with my sister, or should I say I fought with her, just to get her to switch off the house radio, so that I can study in peace for my History mock exam. That day, I cried like never before. I ran like never before. My world crashed. I told God that I couldn't control my anger and feelings anymore. But yet, God comforted me. That was an exchange between me and Him. Things started to change.
Years down the road, I no longer craved for that "money-earning" goal that I once had. I want to serve people. I want to help others. I want to help those who once felt like me to get out of their situations. I know that deep down in each of our hearts, there is so much yearning for one that could really understand. I am one too.
That makes me want to work hard and work towards missions. That brings me further into ministering to people through the presence of God. There is power in worship, power in presence of God. Today, I reckon that material possessions may be important but they are not the final answers for mankind. What people need is not wealth, what people need is love and grace.
Mother Teresa - "We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love."
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