Thursday, February 16, 2012
My husband and I have been married for 7 years. About two years into our marriage, we planned to start a family. Over the course of the next 4-5 years, to my horror, I had 5 miscarriages – none of the pregnancies lasted longer than eight weeks. The most recent were the 2 missed abortions, these required surgery and they happened in Oct 07 and Jul 08. Each “loss” experience took me a period of time to recover emotionally and it never fails to bring me through a emotional and spiritual roller coaster ride. Well, though the rides did get shorter over the years, the fears, anxieties and doubts did not and they constantly bombarded my mind. As this seemingly hopeless pattern developed, we realized that we had a real problem. Both of us saw several doctors, western and Chinese physicians, tried medications and went through a series of tests to determine if something could be corrected physically. I even contemplated IVF as my last resort. Nothing we did gave us any answer to why this was happening.
AFTER THE 5TH MISCARRIAGE, WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR MIND AND HOW YOU FEEL?
The most recent missed abortion happened in Jul 08. I remembered it very clearly because we just came back from a very fired-up/charged-up church camp. And I was ready to give my all in ministry when IT happened again. I was so devastated. I felt so defeated. Fear came and bombarded my thoughts very often. It was very real. I was fearful because I felt caught in a situation which I was unable to control. I was so doubtful whether I could ever have children, whether I would have to go through another miscarriage again, whether I should just give up the thought about having a child totally etc. I asked God many questions such as why does He allow bad things to happen to us?, Why is He not answering my prayers?, Does He really love me? It just seems so impossible for my husband and me to ever have children.
THEN WHAT HAPPENED TO RAISE YOUR HOPE?
In Nov 08, we attended a leaders’ ministering night by Peter Truong - a friend whom I happened to know since Melbourne days and a healing evangelist for Hope Churches. Secretly in my heart, I was hoping that Peter would speak a word about this area of my life because I had been seeking the Lord for an answer for the last few months.
Here’s Peter’s prophesy for me:
That I would fan the flame of Intercession, Prophetic and Discernment.
The week after, something happened to my heart which was indescribable – I would call it a spiritual excitement. The question whether I have the gift of intercession bugged me quite a bit so I prayed to the Lord that if I have this gift then I would like to claim it in Jesus' name. I also asked the Lord to show me a good book to buy so that I could learn more about it. I picked up two books: Intercessory Prayer by Dutch Sheets and God Encounters by James w. Goll.
I started reading “Intercessory Prayer” by Dutch Sheets. The more I read, the more excited I got. Not very long after, I was starting to fast and pray 2 nights a week until the Lord challenged me to pray in tongues every night for at least an hour.
In his book, Dutch Sheets shared about Genesis 1:2 "Now the earth was formless and empty…and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." "To hover" in Greek means “to give birth to”. After reading that, every night I prayed in the Spirit for an hour and asked the same Spirit of God who hovered over the surface of the earth before the creation to come and hover over me... Birth in me whatever He thinks He wants me to have, whether it’s to have a child or the gift of intercession.
In his book, Dutch Sheets also testified about how he prayed for a woman who had already been in coma for a year. The Lord had challenged him to pray for her every day at the hospital. After a year of persistent prayer, she woke up after being in coma for 2 years. After reading this, I was really determined in my heart to pray an hour every day for 2 years for a child.
WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR MIND AND HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE PREGNANT?
I was praying an hour every night till mid Dec 08 when I realised I was 5 weeks pregnant.
During my first doctor's visit, I could see my baby’s heartbeat beating. It was amazing! It was so surreal that I cried.
But that's not the end of my story.
On 31 December 08, in the early hours of the morning, I had been turning and tossing in my bed for a few hours, but still I couldn’t go to sleep because there was this nagging prompting in my heart to go and sleep in my living room. I finally relented.
Not long after moving to my living room I drifted to sleep, I had a vivid dream. I dreamt that the exact spot where I had been sleeping was flooded with water. I got up and was looking closely at the pile of water. With a puzzled look on my face, I looked at my windows. They were all closed. My first question was 'But my windows are closed?' Immediately and almost suddenly, I woke up from my dream and I heard these words.
The Lord said, 'No matter how the windows and doors are closed if I want to come and rain upon you (and your family)... Nobody can stop me.'
The very next night, I had another dream of a kingly figure dressed in royal robe and crown. He seemed to be seated at a banquet table. He was commanding with such authority. Immediately, the next scene appeared, this same kingly figure was serving like a servant at the banquet table.
Again, I woke up from my dream and I heard these words.
The Lord said, 'Those who serve in authority must also serve in humility.''
I knew these dreams were from the Lord because during that period I was reading the second book that I bought – God Encounters by James Goll. The book was about how he and his family experienced angelic encounters, dreams and visions. I was seeking for God to speak to me like how He spoke to James and his family as I desired His tangible presence very much.
DID YOU SUCCESSFULLY DELIVER THE BABY? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO NOW?
I believe the Lord is saying that He's ABLE during impossible situation and His words brought me much comfort and encouragement. I used to visit my gynae with fear and disappointment. But the next 3-4 months, each visit had been with confidence of what the Lord had promised me. I really felt loved by God. Never did I expect Him to speak to me supernaturally through a dream.
This is my son, Joel. He’ll be 21 weeks old as at 31 Dec 09.
This experience has changed my prayer life tremendously. I used to believe “prayer changes things” here (pointing to my mind). But now I really believe prayer changes things here (pointing to my heart). The Bible says, “According to your faith will it be done to you.” There isn’t a right way or wrong way. There isn’t a Kelly’s way. It’s according to our faith. God will meet us at our level of faith – whatever that level is.
I want to be able to take God’s Word and change our circumstances, whatever it may be, through prayer and faith.
Labels: God's Hands