Tuesday, January 14, 2003

Disappointment, Discouragement and Distress

I made a BIG mistake again in the office!! Well, it's no simple mistake at all but yet it seems to be such a simple issue. Yesterday I was on MC, resting at home. Then when I left my house to go Suntec city to meet my insurance agent aka Sharon, my colleague called me up to tell me something. She told me that I've made a mistake for one of the quotation of printing for our new serial title named "Pawnshop No. 8". Well, it's actually a 4 volume serial title that we are supposed to print a total of 24,000 outer boxes. Which means some volumes might have more quantity and some might have lesser quantity. So the printer quoted me 24,000 pcs of outer boxes for an amount of $28,320.00. So when I took the the overall amount divided by 24,000, it costs about $1.18. So I asked him if this is the correct amount. He said that it is the correct amount and just need to take the $1.18 divide by 4 again. Well, thereafter I've gotten an unit cost of $0.295. But to my horror, my colleague told me that he went ahead and printed 24,000 of Volume 1 outer boxes. Well, to cut the story short, it's either my mistake or his or simple miscommunication.
My colleague did not tell me the exact quantity to print and I thought she will convey the printing quantity to my printer as she was doing the communication as well. I felt so dumb this morning when we doing a conference call with the supplier. Disappointment more than anything else. I know I will burst out in tears anytime but I just cannot. Because I have to put up a strong front. Well, I'm discouraged as I thought that my colleague will also recognize that it is part of her mistake as well. But well, in reality, though she did mention a bit that it is her mistake, but I felt as though the entire problem is my PROBLEM!! She claimed that why am I not logical enough to sense that the amount is wrong when the supplier ask me to divide the amount by 4 again. Whatever it is, I felt really at the bottom of my heart that I'm so lousy, lousy, lousy.
Well, my colleague told me that my GM feels that I'm not initiative enough. But what is my GM asking for? How to be initiative when my job scope require me to be initiative about things but just to follow about instructions. Well, she just don't simply don't like me. As simple as that. If that is the case, I really see no need to stay anymore. It is no point pleasing as there is no satisfaction in her eyes at all.
I have decided to tender at the end of January. I will not stay on anymore. By hook or by crook, I will get a new job by end of March. I just want to get out of this company soon. It's time for me to slim down and spend less. Like Jonaphine? If there is one things I should ask from God now, is that may God grant me a room for myself. Why isn't there space for me to cry out to God? I often wonder if I did make the right choice to shift back home. Many may not understand my urge to draw near to God. Perhaps, if you are reading my blog, you may think that I might be just too emotional or drawn away by my mood swings, but come on, don't you know that in many circumstances, I chose to rejoice instead of being in my deepest valleys?
A friend I need. A friend indeed? But where is my friends when I needed them most? Please tell me!! Who can be my listening ear besides God? I don't need advice. But just someone to listen to me. I don't need people to tell me the DOs and DON'Ts but someone that cares enough to show that little attention.

Is there anyone out there that cares to listen?!?


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